Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
