you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
