Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize