guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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