I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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