wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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