I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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