So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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