U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
