I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
