so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
