I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
