I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
