I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
