after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
