Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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