that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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