Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
