took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
