i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
