i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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