they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
