i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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