DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize