is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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