woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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