how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
