she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
