Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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