it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
