You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
