Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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