You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
