he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
