I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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