You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
