Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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