Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
