am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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