"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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