I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
