Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
