you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
