I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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