He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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