just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
