so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
