Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
