Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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