Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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