Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
