I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize