Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
