so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize