there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
