hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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