Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize