Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
