So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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