And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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