My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
