I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
