How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
