mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
