I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
