Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize