pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
