hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
